Change is in the air...

Slowly, but surely my job has become harder and harder to do every day. I am a nanny to some fabulous children but every time I see them I am just reminded that I don't have any children of my own.

It doesn't make it any easier that I have been with a lot of them since they were born and they look to me as a sort of mother figure. Not a mother replacement, there is never a replacement for a mother, just like a cool aunt or a way older sister kind of thing. Just a bond that is a little more special than that of mere babysitter.

But that is where I'm having the problem, the longer I am with them, the closer we become and the more I am reminded that no, I am not your mother, and yes I want my own children. It wasn't sudden thing but a gradual one, and now I think I may be ready to sever those ties. I would never just vacate their lives, but it would be nice to only see them now and then to catch up. It would be nice to have some time to heal between visits from the sting knowing that I'm not pregnant and not knowing if I ever will be.