Monthly disappointment...

She's here again, stopped over last night. My monthly gift. Always expected, always a disappointment. Even this month, when I knew that I wasn't pregnant I was still so upset when I felt that first little drop. I was prepared, I was wearing my designated "period panties" with a panty liner, so I was ready for the inevitable but it still made me so sad.

Although, I think that this time it made my husband even a little sadder than me and that is just the worst. He is always the strong one and it is so hard for me to watch him suffering, especially when I know there is nothing that I can do to make him feel better, even though I know exactly how he is feeling. Last night we just literally supported one another. We didn't talk about how disappointed we were this time, we just leaned against other on the sofa and watched TV.

Having a family is something that we've both always wanted. It is that final step that makes you feel your life is complete. All of our close friends have either recently had their first child or are currently pregnant, so it has even become hard to socialize without that constant reminder. Every one in our lives is forever asking us when we are going to start our family, they don't know that we are trying and failing every month. And we don't want to share that with them, it would be a shared disappointment for everyone every month, month after month. It is hard enough for us to deal with our own sadness, let alone sharing that pain with those close to us. So for now, we stay isolated. Like a pair of Pooh bears with their own little rain cloud above them. But we have each other and we both know it and that is what gets us through to the next month, every time.