I've started to act like a major league baseball player lately. You know how superstitious those wackos are, with all their weird rituals before stepping up to bat, notorious for not washing underwear or shaving during a a good streak, well now you can add me to the wacko pile. Every time I go to do to something, in my head I'll say if I do the right thing then I'll get pregnant. If I'm generous and kind to others then I'll have a better shot at having a baby. I'm acting like a kid who thinks that Santa is watching and she won't get any presents if she isn't a good little girl. Obviously the world doesn't work this way, I know way too many beotches with babies!
This is just the strangest two week wait that I've ever had because I'm finally not expecting to be pregnant. I want my period to get here so that we can start with our testing and treatments but I keep psyching myself up for a miracle. I'm finally not having the, "I could be pregnant, no no, I'm probably not, but I feel like maybe I'm pregnant, no no, that was just gas, but I really think I am this time," conversation running through my head 24 hours a day. Instead I seem to be trying to talk myself into believing that the impossible is possible, that I could just find myself pregnant after not trying. We've been charting and OPK'ing and checking cervical mucus out the wazoo, what are the odds if we couldn't get pregnant during all that then we would once we stopped? I'll tell you, slim to none, yet the eternal optimist voice in my head is still there peeping in every so often that it could happen. Well, one thing is certain that voice is the lesser of the two evils and I'm enjoying this break from the 24-7 maybe I'm pregnant convo even if I'm acting like a kid at Christmastime. Reminding myself from time to time that it could happen probably isn't the worst thing in the world and if it doesn't I still have the tests and treatments to look forward to. Finally, a win - win!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
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3 comments:
That is so true...the part about "if I am extra nice to people, maybe then I will get pregnant". I find myself in situations where I can help a strager and sometimes I am in a hurry but then I stop and think...wait no, I need to help because maybe then the good Lord will do something good for me. Haha. And the convo that takes place in your head...yea I cant make it stop! Good for you though! I should be starting my period Sunday so of course I keep waiting for signs. I feel like I have been eating more lately and my face broke out so of course I got depressed thinking its PMS..but then Im like well maybe it wont be. Ahh the wonderful 2 ww. :) I dont think it helps either I just found out 4 of my closest friends are pregnant that I work with (I am a teacher) so once I go back to work in the fall it will be hard I think. Oh well! Fingers crossed for you though...miricales do happen! My gf didnt get a period for yr and wound up pregnant..who knows how! But either way, you get to start your journey on the treatment road which is exciting!
KB
Ok, so next to nanny, teacher has to be the worst profession for someone with fertility issues! Surrounded by kids and working with mostly women, you can't win!
Haha yea its awful, especially because our staff is very young...3 babies last yr and like I said 4 on the way now..and the yr has not even started! AHHH!! I may be eating in my room some days instead of the teachers lounge for lunch! Oh and got the dreaded..so when are you guys going to finally start having kids? questions last night...dont you hate that? I gave the ackward response with a little ackward laugh...hhaa ohh..i dont know someday. Nice.
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