The hope never dies...

I've made it to day 36 and still have not gotten my period, of course it is early in the day yet. This is so bittersweet because even though I'm excited to get my period and get the ball rolling, I'm having a longer cycle so I'm starting to get hopeful that I could be pregnant. It hasn't become a big possibility in my head yet, but I'm slowly starting to ramp up to the danger zone of, "I must be pregnant!" I really need to keep myself out of that danger zone though, that is what makes me so upset when my period finally rears its ugly head. Every month I'm always so certain that I'm pregnant but I'm not and I think if I can cut out that certainty I'd be able to handle the let down much better.

Let's face it, no matter what you tell yourself in your own head, getting your period is still a let down. It's a bummer even if you don't want to be pregnant, nobody likes to get their period. But even though I'm getting all the period warning signs and I know that we need assisted fertility treatments, I still feel like it could be our lucky month. Why does my brain do this to me?! Why am I completely incapable of thinking rationally in this one area? It makes no sense, I can tell myself whatever I want but it makes no difference, that little glimmer of hope is there every month in the days before I get my period. It never fails, that shiny little glimmer of hope but the truth make me wish I could just squish it down and forget about it.