Black holes of happiness...

I was just talking to my husband about having nothing to write on my blog this morning because I've run out of things to complain about since I've been little miss happy clam lately, and he said, "well you can blog about happy things too." And my immediate response was that I didn't want to be over here tooting about how good I feel lately while other people aren't feeling the same way, and he answered back, "Well you aren't all sentenced to a life of misery!" And then I just thought, my god, you are so right!

I think that as soon as women begin to experience fertility issues they take all the blame and shame upon themselves and become like a black hole, just sucking up all that responsibility and bad feelings about it, creating an atmosphere in which it is impossible to be happy. I know I was doing it, it is really hard not to take full responsibility and throw yourself into fixing the problem, ignoring all your other emotions. Once you realize that you're doing it, it is harder still to stop because that means letting go. You have to let go of that responsibility and pass it to someone else to hold for little bit while you relax. I gave mine over to my doctor to hang onto, and you know I've been feeling fantastic lately. If we go through a few months of assisted fertility and we're still unsuccessful I'll have to make a conscious effort not to collapse in on myself and become a black hole again but I'm hoping I can do it. This may sound silly, but sometimes I think it is easier for me to be angry and nasty than happy and positive. My poor husband didn't give me the nickname "Doom and Gloom" for nothing, I earned that title! Well, those days are over! I'm working on acquiring a new nickname, "So Happy and Positive it is Annoying to All Around Her," and I think it is so far so good! :)

Funny, I used to find those little smiley faces just so annoying...