But we had a plan...

Since there is no good way to start off this post, I'm just going to jump right in with the bad news. Yesterday our dog died. She was about to turn 11 in August and had a slew of things wrong with her, but most recently a bad case of lymphoma, so we made the decision to put her down. I can say with conviction that my wedding day was the absolute best day of my life, and that yesterday was the absolute worst. I thought that we were prepared, we had talked and talked and agonized over the decision and we agreed that we didn't want her to suffer. Our vet even reinforced to us that we were doing the right thing, but even with all that we were a total mess yesterday. Both of us could not stop tearing up every 5 minutes and now we are just running on auto pilot.

I just keep thinking, "BUT WE HAD A PLAN!?" How could I possibly be so upset when we had a plan in place? I knew exactly what was going to happen, and it didn't make one bit of difference. Suddenly, I have a not so sunny outlook on us getting pregnant. I'm still confident in our plan, I'm just much less confident that I'll be able to handle the emotional side of it. I was so sure that if we didn't get pregnant the first month of assisted fertility I would be fine and we'd just keep on truckin' because that was the plan. But now, I have firsthand knowledge of when the plan goes as planned and you still feel like crap because the expected outcome, though expected, still sucks. Well, I guess at least now I know that if our first month is a bust I'll be a mess, so no surprises. I suppose the only surprise at this point would be me getting pregnant. I'm laughing, but it's funny sad, not funny ha-ha.