Haves and have nots...

It is so crazy to think that by Wednesday of next week the testing will all be over and we'll know exactly what we are dealing with. During both the HSG and the hysteroscopy procedures I get to watch and the doctor will tell me right then and there if he sees something wrong, so there will (for once in my life) be no waiting! I am beginning to get nervous about the hysteroscopy though, I'm not worried about the HSG because I think that my fallopian tubes are open, not that I have any real way of knowing, but I am just more concerned about endometriosis or something like that. I am so excited and scared that this will all be over in a matter of days, good or bad!

I am hoping beyond hope that there is nothing seriously wrong with me on the inside and that I was just blessed with an irregular cycle, terrible crampy periods and poor fertile quality cervical mucus. While on our beach trip this weekend, my husband and I officially had the "why us?" conversation. Neither of us wanted to go down that road, because it can get pretty petty but we had to wind up there eventually. It was not one of our finer moments, as we sat there ticking off all of the people we knew with kids that we felt we would be better parents than, but it was a necessary evil I suppose. We were able to see the nonsense in it though, and realize that life is not fair and all the people we know with kids are all perfectly fine parents and we are just jealous. I think that it just gets hard sometimes to remember that this isn't about anyone else, it is just about him and me. It is personal, and we are keeping it private for the time being because it is only about the two of us. At the end of the day, it is only the two of us and anyone else who has gone through this that knows how we feel. In the war of the haves and the have nots, nobody wants to be a have not because they always lose, one way or the other.