Well I've made it through another 24 hours without losing my mind, although if you ask my husband he'd say that I never had control of it in the first place but that is neither here nor there! One of my best friends is pregnant and due in October and her baby shower is coming up and I've been put in charge of purchasing the gift from the group. At first I wasn't having a problem getting excited for this shower, but now that it is coming up and I have to get the present I'm not so excited anymore. I haven't seen my pregnant friend in a while, she lives about two hours away and since I haven't actually seen her growing belly it has been much easier to maintain our friendship. It was really hard when she told me she was pregnant and it still stings when I get all the updates about how the baby is doing in there but because we are always on the phone and I couldn't see it I think I was able to let go of my jealousy and be happy for her.
But now I have to see her a month before she is due and she's going to be huge! With every single pregnant woman I see I feel as if they are flaunting their bellies in front of me on purpose. This is why my husband thinks that I've lost my mind, how could a perfect stranger ever be flaunting their baby bump on purpose, they would have no idea what is going on with us! But I can't help it, I take everything personally anymore! The worst thing about this upcoming shower is that there are going to be some other babies and some other preggos there. I just can't seem to get away from them, but that is life I guess. I know that it is perfectly natural to be jealous, but I just feel like a crappy person because I am not always able to control those feelings. I think I have to cut myself some slack and allow myself to feel those feelings but not let them take control to the point where I am taking other pregnant women personally. Probably easier said than done, but we'll see!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
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2 comments:
I love how honest you are, because lets face it...any woman going through this feels this way. And my husband is even starting to feel this way. I am running out of childless or nonpreggo friends. ANd I too feel like ever pregnant woman is rubbing their belly in face so it is not just you! And I too feel just awful when I get so jealous but I cant help it. I am surounded by it at work and by my friends and now, one of my best friends and her husband are moving back to OHio and need a place to live for 3 weeks and yes she is pregnant and seems to talk about it nonstop. So my official "safe zone" and my place to go when I am sad is now gone! Not sure what I will do for 3 weeks! Last night (as my husband was giving me my daily injection) I just kept saying this will all work out and I will just get to be that more excited. But I cant help but to lose faith sometimes and I also cant seem to help but want to avoid all pregnant people...even friends! I purposely avoid them sometimes, and I feel so bad...but its just too hard. And they dont understand so I am sure I Look like a total bitch. But I guess I need to sometime become numb to all this and just suck it up. But, you are stronger going to the shower, I ship gifts and also did not go to the 2 this summer I was invited to...however I iwll have a lot this fall! And was it you that posted the things you should not say to friends going through infertility? I may just hand that out to people if so! If not, I will see if I can find it and send it to you! Hang in there, I know its so hard!!
~KB
I didn't post things that you should not say to friends going through infertility, BUT I would LOVE to read that!
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